Comedy Relief

G

Grin

Still Mildly Glowing
Dear all,


Next month I've got a show going in Utrecht, for an international audience. Last time I performed for a broad international audience I've found it hard to read them and walk the very thin line that pleases them all (or most of them, NEVER get them all going), especially since there are so many different cultures, values and believes (Islam, Christianity, white, black, piss-yellow, chastity belt- wearers, etc)

Imagine the look on their faces when I opened with my suicide opener. Or when I followed that up with some quality blue humor.


So, since I'm all into sharing, and you ARE an international bunch, I figured you could rate my stuff and decide what is manageable for both culture extremes AND funny.


Of course, I've seen some comedy- gems in the making here, so if you feel like blurting your OWN ideas, please, I'm all for it.


I'll update with a couple of openers a little later.

- Grin.


P.S. If you steal my stuff I'll kill you.

P.P.S. No, really.
 
Will you be posting videos?

Because a lot of the magic in stand up comedy is in the actual performance; in the way the material is delivered.

Judging on text alone can be hard ...

Having said that I am sure we'll try regardless ;)
 
Grin said:
Imagine the look on their faces when I opened with my suicide opener. Or when I followed that up with some quality blue humor.
Click to expand...
Ouch. :mrgreen:

Don't forget to work in some Holocaust jokes.
 
UnidentifiedFlyingTard said:
like this?
What the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
Pizza's don't scream in the oven.
Click to expand...
:shock:
Click to expand...
Hahaha, that's a good one. Oh Oregon, Anonymous has you pegged.

“Wonderland. Eden. Serenity. Clean. Natural. Unruined. Green. Peaceful.
Don't visit we don't want you.”
- Anonymous description of Oregon
 
UnidentifiedFlyingTard said:
like this?
What the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
Pizza's don't scream in the oven.
Click to expand...
:shock:
Click to expand...

What do you call a jew with a gas tank on his back?

-addicted...

There's so many of those jokes, they're funny but you can't help feeling like scum when laughing at them...
 
UncannyGarlic said:
“Wonderland. Eden. Serenity. Clean. Natural. Unruined. Green. Peaceful.
Don't visit we don't want you.”
- Anonymous description of Oregon
Click to expand...
You pretty much hit the nail on the head right there (the irony is we don't want to stay here), its not really a warning, its more of a plea to get as far away from this fucking state as possible.

Kahgan said:
What do you call a jew with a gas tank on his back?

-addicted...
Click to expand...
Heyo!

Kahgan said:
There's so many of those jokes, they're funny but you can't help feeling like scum when laughing at them...
Click to expand...
Nah, I just pretend the Holocaust never happened when I do those jokes, then I don't feel bad.

*insert holocaust is fake zinger here*
 
Grin said:
I'll update with a couple of openers in the near future.
Click to expand...

:D

Sorry guys, I was in a week long struggle considering an insurance. The struggle part was the telephonic helpline with women with an IQ equivalent to that of a squirrel.

Daimyo said:
Will you be posting videos?

Because a lot of the magic in stand up comedy is in the actual performance; in the way the material is delivered.

Judging on text alone can be hard ...
Click to expand...

That'll be hard, since this is new material and I haven't performed it yet. But you are absolutely right, the actual performance is 80% and the material 20%, so this'll be a challenge for me.

If this stuff sticks I could tape the gig in Utrecht though. :D


O.K.

Here we go:

NEW (international) opener #1

"Hey. Has anybody been to the bathroom in this place? In one of the shit- cubicles something was scribbled on the door which made me think, "Here I sit and hesitate, shall I shit or masturbate?". Makes you wonder huh? Would it be efficient or even possible to do those at the same time? IMAGINE the release..
*act out jerking AND shitting in a 1,5x2m. space *"

Continue raging or jump to next subject.

NEW international opener #2

"So, how's Holland been treating you so far? *Pleasant* weather over here huh? Depressive, dark and moist, very moist. I'm actually convinced that Holland is God's toilet. No really, ALL of heaven is taking a piss on us. I'm pretty sure all of God's army is taking turns aiming for people's heads.


Well at least the public transport is excellent. Very punctual too. Weird though, you'd expect differently from people who legalized weed."

I actually have a whole piece about public transport so I could stick that particular piece behind this.



SO,

I got some more but I'll post those later. FIRST I'd like to hear your oh-so-important-to-me opinions about these openers.

- Grin.
 
Number 2

I like it - and it will be a good intro to the public transport bit as you say.

The first you can always use later in the show (as almost every stand up show includes sex talk or shit talk anyway, right?) ;)
 
Daimyo said:
Number 2

I like it - and it will be a good intro to the public transport bit as you say.

The first you can always use later in the show (as almost every stand up show includes sex talk or shit talk anyway, right?) ;)
Click to expand...

Good point, I think number 1 is a bit too rough too use as an opener anyway.

Gotta start slow. :D
 
OK.

This might be a bit random, but so is comedy. :D

This is a short piece I wrote after a three week discussion about a tattoo I wanted to put on my shoulder: a smiley.

Short (International) Piece

Anyone has a tattoo here? I was actually thinking about putting a tattoo on my shoulder: a smiley.

BUT.

After a lot of thinking I've figured out a better place: on the glans of my penis. Really, it took a lot of thought but I've decided.
I CANNOT wait till I get the first blowjob after the tattoo has been put. I can already see the look on her face when she peels back the foreskin. "SURPRISE!"

This is als posted in the same topic where I asked for advice about tattoos.

Link

- Joey


P.S.
Again, copyrighted bitches.
 
Could you move your penis in a way the tatto is either smiling or crying/sad according to context?

now that would be funny :P
 
I must say, those jokes didn't wake any reaction in me :/

So crude sexual humor is your thing then?
 
the piss-yellow people usually have problems regarding heavy sarcasm and especially making fun of yourself. so making fun about yourself infront of them..well they don't get it and feel somewhat awkward
 
I'm not going to give any feedback on the jokes themselves - not because they're bad, but because I can't really say how they'll work without actually seeing you tell them. stand-up is about so much more than just the jokes.

and that's what I'd like to comment on: with this type of humour, you really have to keep it at the extreme side all the time in order for it to work. no one's gonna laugh at a nice, shy guy who tries to be foul mouthed but can't go all the way.

I'm sure you know about Jason Rouse and he's a perfect example of this. he's so outrageous he's funny even when he goes too far.
 
Viliny said:
I must say, those jokes didn't wake any reaction in me :/

So crude sexual humor is your thing then?
Click to expand...

What are you, Mormon?

Blue humor is used in stand- up comedy like oil is used in cooking. You can't avoid it.
And to answer your question, YES, I like crude sexual humor, as does about 92,554382% of Earth's population. Now go bother someone else with your dark-ages sense of humor.

EDIT: And leave my other posts alone too, sexphobic.
 
He never said anything about not liking crude sexual humor, he just commented on the fact that your jokes suck... which they really do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top