Satan on elections

S

Shadowman

Water Chip? Been There, Done That
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The Top 15 Problems With Holding an Election in Hell
(Part I)

15> Hey, *you* try to hand-count the ballots by the deadline
with wolves and serpents gnawing at your genitals!!

14> Due to the use of pitchforks, *all* ballots are discarded
as showing votes for three candidates.

13> If you think Nixon sweated a lot during earthly debates,
wait till you get a load of him down here.

12> All candidates -- not just George W. Bush -- are covered
with festering facial boils.

11> Ballots with improperly-punched chads result in Gervon winning
the White House and George W. getting elected ruler of the
Maleborge region of Hell, with a landslide victory in the
areas of Hypocrites, Thieves and Sowers of Scandal and Schism.

10> During debates, both candidates must wear those big,
foam-rubber "We're #1" hands.

9> Low voter turnout due to residents being preoccupied with
creating new "reality shows" for FOX.

8> Wacky third-party candidates aren't feather boa-clad
professional wrestlers -- they're mini-mustachioed
tyrannical despots.

7> Lawyers always decide the elections -- then again,
*everyone* in Hell is a lawyer.

6> Confused Democrats always mistake the waiting line for the
voting booth with the waiting line to get your larynx cut
out with a rusty nail.

5> Gates and Trump are always late with their absentee ballots.

4> Satan's younger brother, Beezlejeb, plays fast and loose
with the rules.

3> Smell of brimstone never enough to mask the stench of an
election.

2> While you're trying to decide, confusing "Giant, Rabid Bat"
style ballots puncture *you*.

1> Ballot instructions read, "Cleanly punch chad in
appropriate hole." Your name? Chad.


http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/satan-pro.gif

"The best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
 
And another Top 15

[font face="verdana" color=silver size=3] This top 15 was brought to you by:

http://fallout.gamestats.com/forum/User_files/3a1ad59b0763dbce.jpg

The Top 15 Problems With Holding an Election in Hell
(Part II)


15> No elections at all -- instead, Regis Philbin hosts "Who
Wants to Be the Prince of Darkness?"

14> Always limited to two choices: A) Fire, B) Brimstone.

13> The results are held up until Strom Thurmond arrives to
certify the re-count.

12> The powerful "Dead Supporters of Mayor Daley from Chicago"
voting bloc is ineligible, since they've already voted in
the earthly elections.

11> Results are always the same:
49.9% - Hitler
49.9% - Dr. Laura
0.2% - Carrot Top

10> Secretary of State in Hell? Still Katherine Harris!

9> The elderly evil souls can't figure which eye to poke out
on the election official.

8> You'd think Satan would take your "Write-in Jesus!" gag
campaign pin in the spirit it was intended, but the
thousand rabid possums feeding upon your charred flesh
would suggest otherwise.

7> Difficult to get unbiased election results by radio with
all the stations set to Limbaugh, 24/7.

6> It's hard to dupe the electorate when 86% are former
politicians themselves.

5> Every candidate promises the same thing: Lower taxes,
protect social security, more ice water.

4> Low voter turnout because the first Tuesday in November
is also "Disembowel a Telemarketer Day."

3> Having to shovel snow after a Buchanan victory.

2> Who cares who wins? You're in Hell! There's still that
little matter of eternal damnation.

1> Due to confusing ballot layout, many voters who intended to
select "Beer and a Cheeseburger" mistakenly choose "Rectal
Banjo Insertion."


http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/satan-pro.gif

"The best trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
 
RE: And another Top 15

dont take this the wrong way but i dont know what speaks more about you, the fact you posted those terrible jokes, or the fact you have that badass graphic.
 
*~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's just

I think it's the fact that miroslav trusted him enough for him to be a moderator, a seriously serious job in which he does a seriously fine job of keeping a fine atmosphere in the Fallout community's hub (i.e - he hasn't deleted any of my painfully insightful posts, so I like him.)

YOU, on the other hand, do not remind me of Samuel L. Jackson, so I expect an immediate 360 degree attitude change from you, and do not forget to brush your hands, stripling. Flattery is good, but urine will get you nowhere.

- WTF?? Patrol -
Hell_Patrol@juno.com
 
RE: *~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's j

unless its one of those spaceships that uses urine as fuel. AH HA!!! you lose agian.
 
SOMEONE SET ME UP THE BOMB!!!!!!!11111 Oh NO!!!

>unless its one of those spaceships
>that uses urine as fuel.
>AH HA!!! you lose agian.
>

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you, thou saucy fellow!!

YOU'LL ***PAY*** FOR THIS, CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!!!

- Pr0n Patrol -
Hell_Patrol@juno.com
 
RE: *~` Youu... you got what i neeeed... but you say he's j

>YOU, on the other hand, do
>not remind me of Samuel
>L. Jackson, so I expect
>an immediate 360 degree attitude
>change from you, and do
>not forget to brush your
>hands, stripling. Flattery is good,
>but urine will get you
>nowhere.

A 360 degree turn would bring him back to the previous direction, so what you probably meant was 180 degrees?

Otherwise though, I totally agree. That Karmalade dude has been acting like a prick for a long time already, with all those insightful flame posts.

"Blessed are those who break the rules."
 
360 (arse, there's no degrees button on this thing)

[font size=1" color="#FF0000]LAST EDITED ON Nov-22-00 AT 10:00AM (GMT)[p][font size=1" color="#FF00FF]I WANNA BE... BATMAN COS EVERYBODY REALLY AIN'T SHIT TO ME, MY SUPERHERO BITCHIN ME IF I WAS... BATMAN, STUDIOS AND SHOWS, UTILITY BELT WITH A COMPARTMENT FOR THE FREE ROW, SMOKIN BAT BLOOD OFF IN THE BAT CAVE, JAMIE MADROX, µ¶ÖÛäÃÀÁ, GOTHAM REALLY DON'T LOOK SHIT LIKE DETROIT BUT I THINK THESE MOTHERFUCKERS GET THE POINT, LISTEN, WORD ON THE STREET ABOUT THE H//// BREAK, SCARECROW POISON I'LL BE CATWOMAN TOO FACING OFF TRYIN' A KILL ME BEFORE THE NIGHT FALLS BUT I GOT A BAT SURPRISE FOR EACH ONE O Y'ALL SCARECROW TRY TO TO GET ME WHEN I'M UP ON LAKESIDE, BLAST A BATARANG WATCH THE BITCH NIGGER HIDE

No, no... I think that Hell Patrol really does mean 360 degrees. That's him for you. On a completely different note, µ¶ÖÛäÃÀÁ. And Captain Planet will pay. One day. I shall make sure of that personally.

He really doesn't remind you of Samuel L. Jackson? That's one bizzare coincidence, because there's a guy at school who doesn't remind me of David Letterman! Howzat for a coincidence, eh?

http://fallout.gamestats.com/forum/User_files/3a0b90891508bbb2.jpg
 
famlia esquina de barrio de fue la cuna de lo que somos hoy.

>Got anymore clips from one-hit wonders?:-)

I guess this one fits in with the atmosphere of the thread, and I'm sure you'd agree with me that it's a wonder.
[embed src = "//www.geocities.com/s_h_o_o_t_m_e/time4tormentlow.wav" autostart = "true" hidden = "true" loop = "true"][/embed]

Here's a link to a high quality version of it... http://www.geocities.com/s_h_o_o_t_m_e/time4torment.wav

A duet between the Transcendant One and Ernest Angley (www.ernestangley.com)....

I try not to embed threads that might have actual worth... I usually stick to flame-bait and threads void of all intelligence/common sense.... the places where I belong =-)

- Grace Cathedral Patrol -
Hell_Patrol@juno.com
 
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